So I’m not much for tea (unless it is being served by a really cute individual who is not charging me money and wants to sit and talk about sacrifice or whiskey or cigars or ravens or knives while we enjoy ridiculously tasty tea that I do not need to concern myself with the preparation or procuration of) so this whole “Pagan Tea Time” thing just doesn’t work for me.
However, because of my recent confession that I might in fact actually like people, I am totally going to see that “personal engagement over hot drinks” wager and raise it with the inclusion of hard liquor.
I hereby propose Polytheist Whiskey Time. (“Whiskey” can be substituted for rum, gin, moonshine, rotgut, wine, or high-quality ales and craft beers, as appropriate. Beer and wine are only acceptable if clever things can be said about the specific vintage/brew being consumed, regardless of whether they are in fact true.)
Anyone who is willing to meet up with me for hard liquor (careful: I sometimes drink whole fire departments under the table, and am *not* a cheap date, if you’re looking to treat) or cask-conditioned ales or carbombs or multiple bottles of delicious dark wine (or port) or whatever, whether in person or through some kind of awkward technological interfacing, I’m totally down. However, I’m also a videophobe. True story. Videos freak me the fuck out. (This goes back to my fifth birthday party, wherein I was videotaped and sort of had a bad day, and wound up in a fist-fight with a bunch of people and then got a time-out but accidentally put a bunk-bed through a wall in protest and basically didn’t get my presents, and the whole damn thing is on VHS somewhere, and this was shown to everyone ever in the history of my life as a means of humiliating me in my childhood, which while totally effective, is also totally awesome, because in that video I totally took on a 240 pound adult with not but fists and fury and I think a stack of construction paper hurled in the air for misdirection purposes. Also that bed was solid oak, motherfuckers.) Anyway, yes, childhood issues aside — maybe I need to do some further Jungian psychological work to heal those videophobic traumas? — I really dislike videos, and so, things like Skype or Hangouts or whatever the cool kids are doing these days? Not my cup of tea. (Ha, tea, get it?) However, pour me a big enough cup of whiskey, and you might be able to convince me. I may, however, wear a mask. Because the only thing better than overcoming personal obstacles is watching a Thracian try to drink whiskey through a ritual bird-mask’s beak.
For that matter, I’m totally down to spark up a hookah or steal cigars from your humidor, too, if you’re local.
Also for that matter, can more people please buy themselves some humidors and keep a decent selection of cigars on hand for hospitality offerings? Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about the whiskey (and most people have that around), but there has been tragic little sharing of nice tobacco (unless I bought it) in my vagrant meanderings these last five or six months, unless it came from my holdings, which are always slim in selection (because humidors don’t stay humid when stored in -10° vans overnight. Because cold.